There's a Hole in my Bucket List

Murphys, Ca. - July 2024 -- People ask fairly often if I have a bucket list. "Not really," I usually respond. If you live long enough you can trim your list. I've been retired 20 years so my bucket is almost empty, and that's good. What I do not say is that when I think today about a Bucket List (defined as things to do before I die) I get lost in memories of all the things I have already done and seen. The last travel item -- a typical bucket list thing -- I really wanted to accomplish was to visit Alaska. It represented the last frontier to me, and was the birthplace of my extraordinary friend Howard Weaver. We saw Alaska last year and it was great, though exhausting and exceeded expectations. I came home with Covid, slept for a week, and went back to our daily routine. It is hard to come up with a new list but I am still working on it. Maybe you can help. Here are a few items no longer in the bucket:

-- Visit Scotland and Ireland where my ancestors came from? Did that. Saw the graveyards, Lamont names etched on old church walls, and met people who treated us like relatives even though we are not. On another trip a French gardener gave my wife a bouquet of Lilacs, freshly picked in the rain outside of Paris.

-- Watch men fly to the moon? Did that, as a journalist, and went beyond and covered most of the early manned flights into space. Most people considered themselves lucky to watch on TV, but I was able to be on the sand island at Cape Kennedy for liftoff, and in Houston at the Manned Spacecraft Center when they came home on a muggy July day.

-- Scuba dive? Did that, along with Pat, which enhanced our years in Florida. Plus I "used" diving in my work which carried me to the Virgin Islands and Bahamas. How many people get to visit an underwater habitat?

-- Ski from the top of the mountains? Did that near home at Bear Valley and Dodge Ridge, and further away at Tahoe and Utah.

-- Meet interesting people? I did that, including being at a dinner table with Wernher von Braun, Walter Cronkite, John Dos Passos and Ray Bradbury.

-- Played music with my friends? Did that starting at a 12 year old choir member, ten years in a quartet, and a lifetime of playing folk/gospel/other stuff. The photo is from Pete Seeger's Memorial. -- Met Presidents? I met a few including LBJ, Richard Nixon and even got to watch JFK from the Senate gallery when he was running for President. Gerald Ford was the nicest of the bunch. -- Watched a country go through major changes? I did that as I went to college just before George Wallace was elected governor (I left), met Martin Luther "Daddy"King and heard him preach, and watched the South change, slowly and not completely, but it did change. I still love my native region along the Gulf Coast, but I do not ever want to live there again. -- Served in the Army. And did not get shot at.

-- Visited many of the best National Parks in the U.S., and even got to work briefly in Yosemite.

-- Lived in the Sierra Nevada hiils, within reach of my favorite park where I volunteered for15 years.

-- Sailing in places as varied as Zihuatanejo, Mexico, and San Francisco Bay (our home port). Our delight was enhanced by close friends who welcomed us, taught us, and encouraged us along the way. -- Traveled from coast to coast several times, a trip every person should do to appreciate what a truly grand nation we live in.

-- Found great friends everywhere I went. Newspaper colleagues are so interesting and fun, and tell great stories. And we have been blessed with good neighbors starting in a beach-front apartment in Florida, and continuing to this day in our "Teeny Town" subsivision in the hills of California. Friends bring the ultimate joy.

-- Married the right person, Pat. That has made the trip through almost six decades one of delight and led to chidren and grandchildren and great-grands that bring me more joy. I will always believe the Creator had a hand in it. So what's next? Well, we are going camping this week on the North Coast of California -- an annual trek -- worthy of any bucket list And later this year we will travel to New England with family and see the Fall colors in another part of this country. With maybe a side trip to Canada to hear some fiddlers play in pubs. If you would like to add a few suggestions, just drop them in my bucket and I will do what I can. I am not done yet.

Some things I have learned

Murphys, Ca. -- I tend to dwell on the past -- good and bad -- more than I did when much younger. I think there are reasons for that: I am more prone to guilt for things I did wrong; and I am more prone to think the good old days were better than today. The guilt comes from being unable to right the wrongs of the past. When I was unkind, selfish or uncaring. Once the opportunity is past, for decades at least, it is truly past. People moved away. Gave up on me. Died with no contact. Even a few items nag. But I did some things right, like marrying Pat, and I learned some lessons along the way. Two important things I did learn: do what you can, and live today. Oh, and maybe most important: keep on doing stuff for as long as you can. I know in hindsight I could have been a better and more involved husband instead of being so focused on my work. I learned late in life about sharing the house burdens that men of my generation assumed would be always handled by women. It still seems odd when I remember to load the dishwasher, or run the vacuum cleaner. Hopefully my son and grandson and great-grandson will be better at sharing the load. My son-in-law has been a role model. I know I could have been a better parent, though I am not quite sure how. Probably life would have been easier for my children if I had been a better listener. Fortunately, and maybe through luck, they have turned out well. I suspect I would do no better if given another chance.

I know I could have been a better boss in the 30 years I was an editor at various newspapers. It seems strange to say but I was too easy on people who needed someone to tell them to work harder or do better or find another occupation. They would have been happier and the newspapers I ran would have been better. I could have learned earlier to put a bridle on my sometimes sarcastic tongue. The Book of James should have taught me, but it took a work colleague to help redirect me. A group was talking about other people, and I was pretty critical and putting someone down. Then this colleague reacted by responding quietly: "He always speaks highly of you." It was like being hit with a brick. I have always been thankful for that. And somewhere along the way I wish I had learned to put the past behind me, including my mistakes and those of others. The anger I carried through the years against a few people who hurt me still burdens me. I say I can forgive, but not forget, but the reality is forgiveness has to be renewed every day until it is no longer needed. That is a lifelong chore. I was lucky to have a friend in Modesto pass along advice from our minister after he went to him in anguish about what he should do with his life. Take a vow? Become a missionary? Give away everything? Nope, said the wise Rev. Nelson, go "work in the vineyard." Simply put, look what is put before you and take care of it. Stop sitting around worrying. The final and continuing lesson is to live today. Not yesterday and not tomorrow, times that we have little control over. I am still working on that. Until we quit, we all are becoming something else.